Clatterbridge Bound

It’s Thursday morning 22^nd August, 2013. Yesterday I was told in effect that I’m living on borrowed time, I’ve got a very aggressive form of Brain Cancer and there is no cure! you can imagine we haven’t slept, my head is still in a spin, how am I going to tell Aaron & Emma, my dad, he’s going to be devastated… I’m your original Daddy’s girl, I’ve got four brothers, I’m the apple in my father’s eye, there’s so much going through my head, my eyes are raw with crying,  No.. Sobbing…  Andy & I sobbed for a large part of the night.

June is still with us and is coming to Walton where I’m to meet with the Clatterbridge team and to learn my fate or as it was explained to discuss my ‘Care plan’ I’d experienced the expression ‘Palliative care’ in my healthcare assistant’s career, I never expected to be on the receiving end of it.

Not such a lengthy wait today, a nurse showed us in to the room just before the one where we had been dealt the terrible news the previous day.

On entering the room Andy & I were introduced to Dr Haylock, Consultant Oncologist & Clinical Director for Radiotherapy at Clatterbridge, he was accompanied by another Doctor who was part of the team and she was gaining experience as she was progressing her career in this specialised field, Dr Haylock explained he’d like his colleague (Sorry another name forgotten, If only I’d known I would be writing a blog a year on!) to run the meeting and were we ok with this, we were. Very compassionately I was asked if I knew why we were here, I explained what I’d been told the previous day and that I fully understood the consequences of it. The Doctor explained I’d need Radiotherapy and Chemotherapy, that my treatment would take place on the peninsula at The Clatterbridge Centre. I needed to sign consent forms, I was also informed I’d need to have a face mask made; this would be done at Clatterbridge too. Treatment would start soon after the face mask was created. Dr Haylock and Andy had been talking; I’d seen Dr Haylock writing on a piece of paper out of the corner of my eye, meanwhile I’m still listening, Andy is trying to multitask and trying to listen to two conversations, to the ladies reading this you’ll know men & multi-tasking just don’t go together! Hehe… (It turned out Andy had asked Dr Haylock to write down the name of my cancer - Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM IV) - Dr Haylock, softly spoken and with compassion in his voice went on to explain he and his team would do whatever they could for me in my time remaining and hopefully extend my life expectancy, he explained that it was impossible to forecast how long I had left and explained that even with such a bleak prognosis he was aware of two patients who had lived beyond five years, I so pray I’m one of those who doesn’t succumb to this. I still didn’t want to know how long I had left. Our meeting wasn’t unduly long, it was caring, reassuring and handled with sensitivity. Dr Haylock explained due to my recent surgery this would delay the start of my treatment as my skull needed time to heal, we were looking at starting in two weeks; our next appointment was in a few days for ‘the mask’ fitting.

My main concern was what if these aggressive cells were growing inside my head again already, was there another tumour forming already? I had reservations about the ‘the mask’ but was assured it wasn’t as scary as it sounded, I suppose I’d find out soon….

Although still confused, worried, frightened and in a daze, I felt strangely comforted by the consultation, I felt, as I had all the time up to now, that I was in safe and the best of hands.

As we left the room we caught up with Ju , bless her she’d been waiting patiently for us. Time for a little light relief and a treat, both Ju and I were big fans of the TV show Friends, so it was time to show her Liverpool’s very own ‘Central Perk’ the infamous café In the sitcom! We had fun and enjoyed coffee while episodes of the sitcom where playing on the TV screens, thankfully there wasn’t a Phoebe look alike singing Smelly Cat…Smelly Cat… that really would have been surreal, of course we had to take a few pictures too. It was good to forget the seriousness of the situation and revert to being silly kids if only for long enough to have a drink….

Once home the realisation of family life kicked back in, I couldn’t tell my children over the phone! I needed to be there to hold and hug them and reassure them, to tell them as soon as possible…. I think this was the most scary thing of all… the thought of breaking their hearts and causing them so much pain.

Andy’s mum Maureen & her partner Henry were due to visit for the weekend, Andy said he’d cancel their visit and book a hotel for us in Grimsby, it was almost like Bethlehem at Christmas!  a bank holiday weekend close to the popular resort of Cleethorpes, everywhere was full,  thankfully he eventually found one but as demand increased so did prices, two nights in a Premier Inn, £80 a night room only, so £160, being ill can be expensive.