My Andy was upstairs, Ju & I were
in our Dining Room when outside we heard the screech of car brakes quickly
followed the sound of a skid and then the inevitable thud, a car had smashed
into the front of a car….Andy’s car! I shouted up to Andy who was already
looking out of the window looking at a Silver Grey Ford KA with great big Pink
Flower Decals all over it, in a split second the driver was backing up and was
driving off at speed in their very damaged car! Andy dialled 999, he ran
downstairs and ran out to the car, the front passenger side of the car was ‘caved
in’. Shortly after a Police Traffic
officer arrived, sadly there was no sign of the rogue driver and ‘its’ car..
Andy was fuming, upset, we had to make this journey, finding a hire car at this
time of day on a Saturday was going to be a nightmare. Thankfully on closer
inspection and with a bit of brute force and a few tools Andy managed to get
the car roughly back into shape, he had the Policeman give it the once over and
he confirmed it was ‘legally driveable’.
So disaster averted we had to get on
the road to Grimsby, This is a journey I would normally look forward to but
instead I was filled with dread!
Telling my children and family I’m
dying is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! How I did it without breaking down I will
never know! It’s like the mothering instinct kicked in and made me want to be
strong and positive for everyone else.. protect thy family with all thy might! I’m
sure if I get as far as treatment then
my walls will flake a little and some of my vulnerability will show itself…. At
the moment I feel I am in denial… I’m on the outside looking in on someone else’s
dream…
During the journey we discussed
what we needed to do and in what order. Aaron & Emma both have children, we
needed to get them on their own for this, a plan was hatched.
We dropped June at home but we’d need
her help again soon. We checked in at our hotel and then we headed towards
Aaron & Vicky’s; on the way we called Vicky’s Mum, Donna. We explained we
had bad news to deliver and asked would she come and look after our Grandchildren
whilst we told ‘the grown ups’, Donna kindly agreed. We drove the short
distance to the kid’s house; I was not looking forwards to this.
Donna took the excited and pleased to
see us Abbey & Millie upstairs, and we sat down, there was no easy way to
break this news. We were stunned at how maturely they handled it, I hugged them
both like I never wanted to let them go, there were lots of questions many we
didn’t have the answer to, we promised to keep them informed of everything, I
asked them to please ensure Andy continued to be treated as part of the family
after I’d gone, it was so important to me. We had to leave them to go and see Emma;
we’d see them again before we returned home.
Next stop was to June’s as she had
agreed to have Abbie, Chloe and Ollipop taking them upstairs to play whilst we
sat down with Emma, Bob was away for the weekend. I sat next to Emma and held
her hand, she knew there was something wrong, she had desperately tried to avoid
being on her own with me, I calmly explained I had been told I had been
diagnosed with Brain Cancer and It couldn’t be cured, poor Emma was heartbroken,
she sobbed and sobbed I felt so badly, we hugged for an age, again so many
questions, again I begged Andy would still be involved in their lives.
As bad as today had been tomorrow
will be no better, I had to tell my Dad, I was going to break his heart…..
Whilst we wanted to tell those close
to us in person wherever possible I had to make an exception with my Brother
Mick. Mick & his wife Sue lived just a couple of minutes from Mum &
Dad. Mum is sadly ill and Dad whilst always my rock in his early eighties I
feared what this news might do to him so I asked Mick & Sue to meet us
there. Dad was his usual chatty self in fact it was hard to get him to quiet
enough to tell him I was ill and whilst the hospital was going to do all they
could for me, they couldn’t cure me. I’ll never forget the look as he just said
“no, not our Jooie” as we held each other’s hands. Once the initial shock was
over and I’d again asked Andy be part of the family after I’d gone we talked
about almost anything but my illness and with my brother Andy (Yep, yet another
Andy!) there we were soon talking fruit and veg from his allotment and I was
seeing what I could ‘cadge’ out of him. We’d see them all again the next day,
for now it was time to go see the kids again but first we needed to eat, it’s been
hungry work delivering bad news.
It breaks my heart to see my wonderful
children, amazing husband, Dad, brothers, family and friends, torn apart by
this cruel disease.. It’s those you leave behind that suffer the most…
I hope one day when they have had
time to come to terms with all this, and they are going about their day they
will chuckle at my “Mrs Bouqet” ways and the silliness of my need to plump
cushions, throw out clutter and dust anyone who stands still long enough! How daft
am i? Life itself it seems is far more important than any speck of dust or piece
of “fluff” on the carpet! But without these idiosyncrasies I wouldn’t be me!
As the blog is to try and help others,
our experience was, this oh so difficult day was made slightly easier by
planning and considering in advance how each family member was likely to react
and key was that we sought the support of others. We needed to consider a wide
spectrum not just ourselves, from the ill and elderly to my kids and our
grandchildren. (At this point we didn’t feel it was right to break the news to
young children and we didn’t; there will be more on this in a future blog for
the Macmillan Cancer Charity team at Clatterbridge raised this very topic with
us when we shared our experience with them.)
With our heartfelt thanks to June,
Donna, Mick & Sue xx
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