Life MUST go on.

My treatment is going to plan apparently except for those tricky Neutrophils messing things about. I’ve had no sickness at all I should consider myself ‘lucky’….

Talking of being ‘lucky’, Andy won a long weekend break in a charity auction with

 
 Rock FM one of the Northwest’s better radio stations. The prize was a Canal Boat Cruise but we only had a tight timeframe to take it in, would I be able to go now I was on my treatment? Would I be fit enough? We spoke to Dr Haylock and he was ok about it as long as we weren’t too far away.  We ran some dates by John & Lesley, the lovely friendly owners of Canal Boat Cruises of Riley Green, based on the Leeds Liverpool Canal. I then needed to speak to the radiography team for an early appointment, the Friday was perfect but being there early on the Monday morning would mean us coming home on the Sunday. The team were so accommodating and arranged a 5pm session on the Monday afternoon.

I was excited now, we invited my Son Aaron and his partner Vicky on to the trip with us, we’ve never spent quality time together so this was going to be precious times for us all.

A spooky Coincidence

The canal Boat trip was an amazing experience travelling through the Lancashire countryside with just the soft comforting ‘chugging’ sound of the boat’s motor was so relaxing, the boat had central heating, in fact all the ‘mod cons’ you could possibly want and a far more traditional feature in a cosy log fire, I was feeling the cold more these days and I’ve always loved coal & log fires, I’m content as I could possibly be right now, content but tired.

I am feeling tired, I fight it but I’ve started needing the occasional “nanny nap”, I still get up with Andy and wave him off to work around seven a.m… I take after my dad as an early riser never been one to lie in bed, there was always something for ‘Mrs Bouquet’ to do. With this in mind I had arranged for my daily visits to Clatterbridge to be as early as possible, I’d normally be in, treated and back home before ten a.m.

 I say home, sometimes I’d get the bus into Birkenhead or I’d get a taxi in to the close by quaint village of Oxton. Birkenhead is a shipyard town, home of the famous Cammel Laird Shipyard, it would be fair to say the town has suffered over the years and has more than its fair share of tired areas but there are some little gems very close to the town centre, one is Oxton, it’s like stepping back in time, beautiful period properties, a Pub, a cocktail bar, some of the finest dining experiences in Merseyside, in fact if you thought ‘Oxton’ sounded familiar, ‘Fraiche’, a Michelin Star Restaurant in the Village was recently voted the top Restaurant in the UK by The Sunday Times! The area is very community driven has its own village square, within this it has the equivalent of Ronnie Barker’s ‘Open All Hours’ corner shop! Arkwrights’,  a Deli, a Butchers, a Post Office, hairdressers, florist, bridal shop, beer specialist and a lovely quaint shop called ‘The Drawing Room’, I find the shop fascinating and I feel so at home in there, Jane the lady who owns it is always so kind to me when I’m in she’s never pried despite the obvious changes in my appearance these days. I buy my friends little thank you gifts and birthday gifts from here. Handy thing is it’s a ten minute walk home all downhill; yes I still wanted my daily exercise, this beast wasn’t going to have me a prisoner in my own home! I’m fighting you all the way fluffy stuff!

Sometimes I’d take a slight diversion to see Jen at ‘Barberanne’s’ often just for a comforting chat and cuppa and of course to console me over my increasing hair loss. Of all the things this is hitting me the hardest. I’d got my wig voucher, I’m not too sure about wigs, I was explaining this to Ann the owner of Barberanne’s  and a true friend too, despite having enough to contend with in her own life she was here for me. Ann had experience of wigs so she came with me to ‘The Wig Shop’ we hummed and aaaah’d I could not believe the cost of them and no we were not even contemplating ‘real hair wigs’. My voucher was worth £100 anything above that would be out of my own pocket.  We selected a blonde wig, YES I am or rather was a natural blonde! The wig was longer than I wanted but Jen said she would style it for me.

I tried it but I couldn’t get on with it, my head was constantly hot and as the steroids were giving me ‘moon face’ the wig just made my face look chubbier. I tried it, it all felt so unnatural, so not me.  I found a long blonde wig in another outlet later on, similar ‘posh box’ but about 70% cheaper than the Wig Shop Wig! I thought I’ll buy it and try it, some liked it others didn’t I couldn’t get on with it either.

We went over to Grimsby to see all of the family and to get some pictures of us all together, I wanted to build memories for the kids and grandchildren, I wore the wig

but after seeing the photo’s as fantastic as they were I wasn’t looking at me, it was a woman in a wig with my family! My mind was made up I went to see Jen and said “Sod it” wigs are just not for me, I needed to be me! And the wigs never came back out of their boxes…

What was becoming apparent too was my hair was changing colour! This is one of the known side effects of Radiotherapy treatments, it doesn’t happen to everyone, our bodies all react differently to it, sadly my days of confidently saying I’m a natural blonde are over, another case of being kicked whilst I’m down! I still keep asking myself “Why me, Why me?”

Routine and normality are key to me, I don’t have OCD but I have to have a purpose, we’ve got eleven rooms from the ground floor up at ‘Shute Manor’ hehehe.. my quirkiness again, I bought Andy a name plate for the house in slate, with us it’s never been about throwing lots of money at each other it’s the thought behind the gifts most of the time.  It’s a big old Victorian house that we’re very slowly restoring, original wooden floors throughout and high ceilings, a dust monster’s paradise and Mrs Bouquet was having none of it, so the house was swept several times a week top to bottom, where was this stuff coming from?

We will all react differently to treatment but I’m a firm believer in a positive attitude will help you through your treatment, feeling sorry for yourself I’m certain will ‘drag you down’ and with that could come other health problems. I have my down days but most of the time in my head I’m constantly telling this beast “Hit me with your best shot, I am NOT giving in to you!” Am I right? I’m not sure, I just know I feel better within myself for believing it. Remember you aren’t in this battle alone, there is a whole ‘invisible’ network behind you, any combination can help and you are the person best able to judge who you can share your concerns and fears with, it could be family, close friends, your medical team organisations like Macmillan, you’ll know who can help but you’ll probably never truly understand just how helpful they can be to you and your immediate family until you take that first step.