My Final Radiotherapy & Chemotherapy session approaches

It’s been a busy month treatment wise and socially. As news of my condition and treatment has rippled out the ‘troops’ have come running. Friendship is a funny thing, we meet people through our lives and some of these people become friends for life, you don’t have to see each other on a regular basis, you don’t have to speak on a regular basis, it’s bizarre but with true friends and family when you do meet up it’s like you’ve never been apart. I lost touch with a lot of people when I left Grimsby, although I’m writing this current blog just over a year after the events it’s fair to add that in the last year I’ve caught up with a lot of those old friends. What is strange though is in some instances some that I classed as close friends have drifted away from me. I’ve tried to stay in contact but sadly some have not felt able to stay in touch, I have to respect everyone’s views and not everyone can handle or accept a dear friend is dying, I add on here if you are asking yourself “Is Julie talking about me?” I probably am and I’d add it’s never too late to rekindle our friendship, well, actually in this instance sadly one day it will be too late…. This doesn’t apply just to me; I imagine all of us even those lucky ones in great health will have lost contact, its times & situations like this that make you think should I reach out one more time?

Anyway it’s been a busy month & I love seeing people, it also gives Andy some added peace of mind knowing I’m not ‘home alone’, I know he worries, I know he feels guilty going to work each day and he’d rather be here than in his office but normality must remain in our lives and although I’m terminally ill I am not an invalid, I’m not bed-ridden, I am fortunate I can still walk, talk (jibber jabber lots heehee), I can find humour, I can cook, clean and I can enjoy time with all my girly friends, this month especially Adele & Julie or as she became many years ago Jooie. Another weird coincidence to share before we move on. I met Julie in Grimsby, we worked together in a care home. We became great friends, we had both moved on but we stayed in contact. When I started going out with Andy, Jooie  lived in South Manchester with a guy who came from.. Birkenhead, where my Andy was living! It gets spookier for they moved to Birkenhead and by then I was living here too. You’d think that was enough of weird coincidences but whilst Jooie’s relationship didn’t work out she is now settled with a great guy called…… Andy! Its fun when we get together ha.

Anyway back to the blog, its brilliant that ‘my girls’ are here, it’s been tough going through the treatment physically and mentally, It’s draining in all aspects, I’m still very scared, I know this round of treatment is to destroy any traces of the tumour and the invisible GBM cells, my diagnosis has not changed I am dying, It’s September and I don’t know if I’ll get a final Christmas with my Children, Our special grand children, or If I’ll make the birth of our first grandson in February, and back to Xmas friends, my Mum & Dad and Andy’s Mother & partner Henry. So to be able to share my concerns and also to try and forget it all even for a few hours with Jooie and Adele are precious and invaluable moments, we just talk, often nonsense and often for hours but it helps immensely.

Emma, Bob & the kids came over for a weekend too, in view of what I said in the last paragraph, this is comforting but with it comes the tears as they leave, the grandkids are just excited to see grandma and they know we should see them in a few weeks so just happy waves from the kids but Emma is crying, I feel so bad for being the cause of her upset, I know I cannot help what is happening but it still makes me feel guilty. I’m quiet after they’ve gone and I make my excuses to head upstairs alone on the pretext of stripping all the beds, Andy offers to help but I want to be alone where I can shed a tear and not upset Andy.

Andy is determined to keep our lives ‘normal’ though at times it seems so hectic that we are in overdrive to fit in as much as possible, it again is tiring on top of the treatment but I’m grateful we are so busy, though it must be painful on Andy’s wallet at time, I worry about that too, god I’m turning in to a real worrier!

We were out for Dinner with some lovely friends at the end of September, they wanted to treat us to a meal in a great restaurant in Chester, we hadn’t seen them in an age and I was so looking forwards to it, Andy booked us into a room in the Crowne Plaza and with some loyalty points upgraded us to an executive room.  It was good and catching up with true friends in a great restaurant, the hours just rolled by. Back in the hotel my head hit the comfy pillows and I’m tired, tired but feeling happy & a very lucky girl… Still I worry, we’ve had four consecutive busy weekends, three at home one away and it’s all money.

October, my treatment continued, my routines continue and the hectic social life  continues. Chloe has taken to Go Kart racing, I’m talking serious stuff even at eight years old she’s tearing around the same tracks Louis Hamilton & Nigel Mansell raced around, she’s the only girl in the 12-15 competitors that race monthly and she has ‘No Fear’. It turned out in October Chloe was racing at a circuit in the Lake District, I love the Lake District, so much so I’ve decided I want my ashes scattering up there, it’s beautiful, its tranquillity itself, I want a spot that overlooks a lake somewhere fertile where I can perhaps live on through fertilising a tree, I want somewhere the kids and Andy can come and reflect on our happy memories, perhaps have a picnic and play games with the children to remember me and the memories we’ve built.

 

 

With Woon

Andy felt this was too good an opportunity to miss for family time even though we’d been to the lakes with Woon just before all my troubles started, she loved it too. Anyway Andy called me from work, “I’ve found a cottage close to Rowrah, it sleeps up to 12, I’ve booked it.” This  pre-empted a nagging thought in the back of my mind, “The invitation extends to Bob’s Dad & Mum too”.  I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, Andy & Bob’s Mum had a huge row a couple of years ago whilst we visited Grimsby, Its all water under the bridge now and I believe this weekend mended  fences.

We had a great weekend, the cottage was huge, the only thing Andy insisted on was we had the master bedroom, It wasn’t the biggest. Chloe won a trophy as the most improved driver of the year. I said earlier she was the only female driver in this championship but there are other ambitious young ladies wanting to get In to F1 too, we later found out Chloe was the fastest female eight year old in the country. More on Chloe & her karting in future blogs.

The Conifer

I have to share this with you it’s absolutely hilarious even I was crying tears of laughter. Parking was tight outside the cottage but immediately cross the road was a village triangle with the local infants school in it, parking there was no problem, the racetrack venue wasn’t licenced to sell alcohol but we brought some with us as the awards ceremony was followed by a disco for the racers. We were back at the cottage early and all piled in to the warmth and us girls slipped in to our PJ’s. Andy suddenly realised he’d left the drinks in the boot of the car, so off he went to get them. I’ll let Andy tell you this bit teehee. It was dark outside the cottage and at the end of the short path was a small curb and a large conifer tree. I’d been warning everyone all weekend to “mind that curb”, it was only small a couple of inches at most. In my rush to get across to the car, yes I forgot the curb and my ankle rolled under me, I’m sure I heard something snap I tried to put my weight on it but god it hurt, It had knocked the breath out of me, I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry I grabbed for the conifer, I’d become a tree hugger! After a minute or so I slowly tried to put my (then) eighteen stone weight on it and it hurt, I was crying and laughing, I was panting like a woman in labour. All sorts of things we going through my mind as I hugged my new friend the Conifer, would I be able to drive the car home, it was my left foot and my car is manual, I’m also thinking about Julie, she’s enough to contend with without me at home and then there was the impact it could have on work. God it never rains less it pours! I decided to see if I could make the 15 feet to the car, I made it but it was probably the hardest walk of my life. I grabbed the carrier bags of beers and soft drinks, and still struggling for breath I hobbled and hopped to the front door cursing the curb as I passed it.

I knocked on the front door, I was seriously in distress from this still, I knocked the door and Emma opened it, bless her she thought I was having an Asthma attack, she called Julie. By now I was hobbling into the lounge everyone wanting to know what was wrong, I sat down and I’m trying to explain through my weird breathing  what happened, by the time I got to the tree hugging Julie was having hysterics as was everyone else. I eventually got my boot and sock off and my ankle was huge and purple, man what had I done? Some frozen peas we’d brought came out of the freezer.

Mrs Jibber Jabber is back to continue…..

The others all left on Sunday, we had the cottage until Monday so Andy and I rested for the day, we’d arranged to meet Vince & Denise. Vince is Andy’s best friend, they met through work many years ago and was often invited to family orientated functions and events, when I came along I was instantly and warmly welcomed in to ‘Family Armitage & Everson’, I doubt there is a nicer family in the UK, If there is I’ve never come across them. Vince was Andy’s only choice for his Best Man when we married; we’ve spent a lot of time together over the years including doing a road trip from San Fransisco to LA and then on to Las Vegas, we are so at home in each other’s company. Vince hadn’t been in the best of health for some time but also a dogged fighter. We arranged to meet on our way back from Rowrah, we met at Penrith and caught up over coffee, well several coffees, I think we could have stayed in the warmness all day chatting but early afternoon we went our separate ways, I had to go and have my treatment, we promised we’d see each other soon but I still didn’t know if I’d be able to fulfil these promises. There is always a tinge of sadness in me and I suppose I give that little bit harder hug these days…. Andy and his sore swollen ankle ‘gingerly’ drove us home.

On the 22^nd October it was my last Radiotherapy & Chemotherapy treatment, this was a scary day, my comfort blanket was going;  again my head was a whirl, what happens now? Is this the end of the line? We spoke to Helen and she assured, you’ll see Dr Haylock next week for a review but standard procedure now is your body needs to rest and settle down, in two months you will start another course of chemotherapy. My ongoing fears always are is this thing growing back whilst there is no treatment to fight it, how would I know? I’m very much back in limbo, I remain scared, Andy is trying to keep me positive I’m trying to be but deep down we aren’t fooling each other, we are both thinking the same things….

If there is a learning experience in this it is that my journey has been much improved by having friends to share my concerns with but also to laugh with (and in Andy’s tree hugging to laugh at). Your surroundings are irrelevant it’s the people you spend your time with that count most and remember if some friends struggle with this try & stay in touch but remain conscious to they may not be able to cope with your situation, none of us are perfect & remember life is too short to hold grudges.

Time for a few thank you’s .

To all my visitors especially Adele, Jooie, The kids & Grand kids, Andy & Sharon (yes ANOTHER ANDY), Vince & Denise & my frog prince teehee..

 

PS If you click on any of the pics its enlarges them.